Subaru Learns Why Rem Is Best Girl
by OreosInAParkedCar
Summary: Subaru was just trying to have a good time with Emilia but Rem is determined to prove to Subaru that she is in fact 'best girl'


It was a late Saturday morning. Natsuki Subaru and Emilia were both on an Xbox One playing Minecraft. They were in a cave looking for diamonds and monster spawners ya know' all the good shit.

Emilia clutched her white controller tightly, she was sweating profusely and biting her lower lip, a habit she had developed at an early age. Her eyes were glued to the television screen, they were both in a cave and it was dark and quiet. The only sound was that of zombies deeper into the cavern and the lava below her feet bubbling and then popping. In her player's hand was an iron pickaxe that was in the red.

Below her was lava, it stretched as far as the eye could see and the only thing saving her from falling into a painful and early death was the dirt that she had placed right under her feet. Emilia was unfazed by the lava though as she only had her eyes set on one thing. Across the lava lake was blue glistening diamonds. 1,2,3,4 there were so many she couldn't count them all.

Across from Emilia on the couch was Subaru who was much calmer then his crush was. He was equipped with a water bucket in this game instead of the standard pickaxe. The only problem was he only had one, so he had to be careful when he turned the lava into obsidian. If he hesitated for even a second the water would become too flat to scoop back up and he wouldn't have his water bucket anymore.

Subaru turned his head to Emilia and smiled at her reaction to seeing diamonds. She looked so cute when she was nervous. Emilia turned her head away from the T.V screen and back at Subaru. She hadn't noticed that he was staring at her which made her cheeks turn a bright shade of red.

She turned her eyes away from his gaze in embarrassment. Her hands-on her controller began to shake violently as she fought with her mind on what to do in a situation like this. Subaru put his controller on the couch next to him and put both of his hands on Emilia's shoulders causing the white-haired girl to blush even harder.

"Subaru i-" Her sentence was cut short by Rem who blew the door wide open sending it flying out window. Both Subaru and Emilia turned their attention to Rem who had bloodshot eyes and a furious face. Her horn glowed a bright white with pink edges and in her hands was her signature weapon of choice. Her morning star.

There was a trickle of blood on one of the spikes of the weapon, it dripped onto the floor with a light, almost non-existent sound. Rem held her weapon tightly with both her hands close to her chest. The look in her eye was bloodthirsty and absolutely terrifying.

"SUBARU! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT HITTING ON THAT DEMON WITCH" Subaru got up from the couch with both of his hands up as both a surrender and a defense. "Please Rem we can talk about this, I wasn't trying anything with Emilia I swear!" Rem's foaming mouth slowly turned into a smirk as she pulled back her weapon. "THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME!"

Rem readied her body and put both of her arms behind her. "NOW I HAVE A REASON TO KILL THAT BITCH!" With that, she threw her arms forward sending her morning star traveling to its target. Emilia tried to block the attack with an ice shield but the morning star was too powerful and broke through the shield completely and hit the witch look-alike straight in her face killing her instantly.

After contact, the only thing Emilia was, was a pile of blood, meat, and bones on the floor. The only part of her that was still in one piece was both of her legs. "OH GOD REM. I-I-I. YOU'VE GOTTA KILL ME PLEASE"

Rem's smirk disappeared and was replaced with childish laughter. "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" She then abruptly stopped laughing and looked back down at the man in front of her. "Yeah I killed a witch and I feel great." Subaru felt tears run down his face as he ran towards Rem with his hand clenched ready to punch her in the face but as soon as he got face to face with her, she stretched out her leg sending Subaru tumbling towards the ground.

Rem laughed as she crouched down to Subaru's crying body. "I'll kill you but first." Rem turned towards Subaru's pants pulling them down as well as his underwear in one go. She put her hand into her pocket pulling out some ramen noodles. "SINCE YOU LOVE MINECRAFT SO MUCH, IMMA MINE YOUR ASSHOLE!"

She shoved about 3 bowls of ramen noodles into Subaru's anal cavity making him moan in delight. He knew he shouldn't have since his lover literally just fucking exploded right in front of him but the ramen noodles felt so good in his ass. "Mommy please I want more...I need more I'm so hungry!"

Rem reached back into her pocket pulling out a Spongebob Season 9 disk and slid it into him causing Subaru to scream in pleasure as his intestines processed the protein inside the DVD. Rem cleared her throat "Who's best girl." Subaru turned his head to the female who was currently sliding lasagna into his ass crack. "You are, you are best girl! -w-"

Subaru's body couldn't handle the pleasure anymore and he died right their due to a heart attack. She got up from the floor, her eye were shining. "DAMN RIGHT!"

Puck then proceeded to jump out of Emilia's corpse. He looked at Emilia and then at Subaru, the only word he could say was "What the fuck?" Rem jumped towards Puck with her morning star, Puck then proceeded to grow 50 times in size causing Rem to land back on her feet. She knew she couldn't beat him when he was at the size he was but she knew what to do.

Rem put her hand inside her pocket and pulled out a blue Morpher. "It's Morphin time" She grabbed it with both her hands and began to put her arms out in random angles until she pointed her Morpher straight towards the monstrous Puck and the device in her hands opened up.

There was a flash of blue until in disappeared reveling deh power ranger blue man he louk at he creaure puck and saaid i ned help she than got a megazormd to get hre in a powr raner mech thet was he sma e size as puck. She run well in he r mechh to the big eveil puck an dpuched him in the fac e while blowin gup the world in the porcess.

I apologize I had my little 6-year-old brother write that paragraph since I have begun to experience carpal tunnel from writing so much anyway let's continue.

Subaru returned from death and decided to play Roblox with Rem rather than play Minecraft with Emilia.

Meanwhile across the universe, Micheal Bay held a picture of Subaru's asshole on it. He studied the image as he thought about Subaru's thick ass. He kissed the picture and smiled. "One day my sweet baby boy."


End file.
